Weighing Up Hardships

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“I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us.” So said the apostle Paul in Romans 8:18.

Paul, who suffered beatings, lashings, shipwrecks, snake bites, desertion by friends, persecution, imprisonment after false accusation, loss of loved ones, called all these things “light momentary affliction” compared to the “eternal weight of glory” that awaits us (2 Corinthians 4:17).

I find myself regularly pondering the purpose of suffering. I’ve written on it before. It still occupies my mind. I have a feeling it will be a lifelong project. Perhaps the pondering itself is one of God’s purposes!

But surely one of God’s purposes in the suffering of believers is right there in these verses. If sufferings are considered “light” and “momentary” in comparison to the glory to come, then one way we appreciate the glory of the future is in contrast against the afflictions we experience now. In other words, the more we suffer the more we appreciate the full glory of the future, because the greater the suffering the more glorious the future has to be to tip the scales. And the Bible assures us that however much we suffer, the scales are always toppled by the eternal weight of glory. The sufferings are “not worth comparing”.

What causes us to lose heart? Isn’t it when things come along which threaten our hopes and dreams? I may want to see my children grow into mature and successful adults, but serious illness (mine or theirs) may prevent that. I may want to have financial stability, a successful career and to feel like I’ve made a difference for good in my work, but time after time I get made redundant and then struggle to find work. I am tempted to lose heart because I can’t achieve what I want to.

We lose heart when the darkness of suffering looms larger than our view of the hope, when the threat is big enough to snuff out our view of the light at the end of the tunnel.

But we’re taught in the Bible that there is no affliction large enough to eclipse the hope that we have in Christ Jesus. “Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword? As it is written, ‘For your sake we are being killed all the day long; we are regarded as sheep to be slaughtered.’ No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.” (Romans 8:35-38)

Hearing that is one thing. Believing it is another.

Believing it is one thing. Knowing it is another.

Knowing it requires experience; experience of affliction, proving for ourselves that what God assures us through the Bible is true, as we act according to our belief, our faith.

In order to not lose heart (2 Corinthians 4:16) we must set our hearts on things unshakable and certain, like Jesus who, “for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising its shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.” (Hebrews 12:2)

If my heart is set on a successful career, then I may lose heart when redundancy comes. If my heart is set on providing for and protecting my family, then I may lose heart when tragedy strikes or when I lose my strength to provide and protect. If my heart is set on sharing the gospel with those who do not know him, I may lose heart when blockages fall in my way and opportunities are few. If my heart is set on doing great things for God, then I may lose heart when my projects fail.

Instead we must have a vision of the glory of God, the glory that we will share in because of our adoption as His sons through the gracious work of the Lord Jesus Christ; a vision not dependent on my power to achieve it, or on my goodness or wisdom, or on any other finite being, but only on our great God and Saviour; a vision that is big enough to overcome any dark shadows of affliction or discouragement that would try to eclipse it.

The bigger the shadows, the bigger the vision needed.

And God is all about expanding our vision of Him, so that we treasure Him more, so that we love Him more as we appreciate His grace and His love more clearly and more gloriously. God’s love, grace and glory are infinite. Yet we are finite. So our capacity to take in His glory is limited. So our capacity can and must be stretched and expanded.

Personally speaking I know that my appreciation of God’s glory, His grace and mercy in Christ, His surpassing righteousness, His love for me, is so weak. I don’t feel as consumed by it as I know I should.

And I also know that the times my capacity to appreciate that has expanded have been the times I’ve run out of myself under pressure of things I can’t cope with: relationship difficulties, redundancies, career failures, illnesses, rejection. As those dark times have threatened to make me lose heart, I’ve been forced to cling more tightly to Jesus and to see just how brightly His glory shines and really does always obliterate the darkness. It really is impossible to be separated from the love of God in Christ Jesus. He has secured it unshakably forever. There really is something infinitely more wonderful and eternal waiting for us.

Anything we might lose heart about in this life is so short term, so trifling, compared to the eternity waiting for us, enjoying our position as children of the only true God, the One who created all things and holds all things together.

Hence often the purpose of our suffering is to expand our vision of God, to detach our hope from ourselves, to focus us more tightly on Jesus, to appreciate more fully the “eternal weight of glory”.

And with that appreciation comes great joy. “We rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing the suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.” (Romans 5:2-5)

Hardships to make you holy

I have taken recently to reading books by Christians past and present, who suffer and suffered in some way. I guess it's because I consider myself to be suffering with my illness and the constant battle to stay employed. I know I'm not suffering to the same degree as the people I’m reading about - Joni Eareckson Tada, Corrie Ten Boom, Helen Roseveare, William Tyndale, John G. Paton, Adoniram Judson, C.S. Lewis - but I want to learn from the way they handled their greater suffering, so that I can learn to better bear and understand my own smaller hardships.

One thing I used to think, having a strong view of God's sovereign providence, was that God uses hardships to prepare us for greater service, for some great ministry, or some great success in the future (a bit like the great examples named above). I then came to wonder what happens when we come to that greater ministry or that great success. What does God do in our lives then? Well, I supposed He must prepare us for even greater things… until the logical conclusion, when we die, are we prepared for heaven? So perhaps the whole of our lives is a preparation for our place in the New Creation.

But what does that mean?

I have come to learn that that means holiness, and that holiness and sanctification are the most important purpose behind all that God does in our lives. Yes, He is working to spread the gospel. Yes, He is using His people, using their suffering, to call attention to the glory of Christ. But what He wants most from us in response to everything that He brings into our lives – hardships and happiness - is holiness.

Sure, God is making things happen. Nothing happens that is not part of His sovereign purpose and plan. But in everything He purposes to happen, His fundamental purpose is for our holiness, so that we may bring Him greater glory.

J.I. Packer said in A Passion for Holiness, ‘We must be clear in our minds that whatever further reasons there may be why God exposes us to the joys and sorrows, fulfillments and frustrations, delights and disappointment, happinesses and hurts, that make up the emotional reality of our lives, all these experiences are part of his curriculum for us in the school of holiness, which is his spiritual gymnasium for our reshaping and rebuilding in the moral likeness of Jesus Christ.’ (1992, Crossway Books, pp16-17)

And that is hard! It’s is the hardest thing I find about the Christian life. I am so incredibly imperfect, more than any human being will hopefully ever fully know – even my wife… and she knows all of my imperfections very well! I don’t give up on my sin easily. But hardships tend to focus the mind somewhat on what really matters.

But even my suffering authors find it difficult too. Helen Roseveare, in 'Give Me This Mountain', writes of when she first went to be a missionary in Congo in the 1950s. She recalls being told by an experienced colleague, “If you think you have come to the mission field because you are a little better than others, or as the cream of your church, or because of your medical degree, or for the service you can render the African church, or even for the souls you may see saved, you will fail. Remember, the Lord has only one purpose ultimately for each of us, to make us more like Jesus. He is interested in your relationship with Himself. Let Him take you and mould you as He will; all the rest will take its rightful place.”

So God does not just care about getting more people into church. He cares mostly about the way that we follow Him in our day-to-day lives, and how that overflows in love to those around us, whoever they may be.

Now, some may be unconvinced that God has any purpose whatsoever in hardships. They don’t see Him as being in control of everything, so, to me at least, that means there cannot be purpose in anything that happens. In general terms a person can only have a purpose for something that they consciously do. So if we don’t see God causing/allowing things happening in the world, then there cannot be a divine purpose in the things going on in the world.

So I just want to give a couple of examples of where the Bible speaks in that way.

First, 2 Corinthians 1:8-11, “For we do not want you to be ignorant, brothers, of the affliction we experienced in Asia. For we were so utterly burdened beyond our strength that we despaired of life itself. Indeed, we felt that we had received the sentence of death. But that was to make us rely not on ourselves but on God who raises the dead. He delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us. On him we have set our hope that he will deliver us again. You also must help us by prayer, so that many will give thanks on our behalf for the blessing granted us through the prayers of many.”

Here Paul is saying that God allowed them to be “utterly burdened” beyond their strength, but that burdening, that despair, had a purpose. And that purpose was “to make us rely not on ourselves but on God who raises the dead.” I suppose you could argue that Paul doesn’t explicitly say that God purposed their hardship, only that it occurred to make them rely on God. But I don’t buy that! When we say that something has a purpose, or something happened for a reason, then there must be a person behind it. And who else would want the apostles to rely on God more? Satan? Their Roman or Jewish persecutors? No! God is the only one who would have that purpose.

And then, Hebrews 12:7, “Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as sons. For what son is not disciplined by his father?”  This is explicit. God is the one doing the discipline, the training, and the training is in the form of hardship. And what purpose does this training have? Vv10-11, “God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness. No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace…”

And with utmost clarity, Paul tells us in Romans 8:29 that we were “predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son.” That’s what God’s chosen people are for – not firstly to do, but to be – to be conformed to the image of His Son, Jesus Christ, who went through the ultimate suffering.

God has a purpose in the hardships of His people, and that purpose is holiness. And that brings me almost to tears.

Firstly to realize that all this difficulty, the emotional turmoil, the seemingly constant unsettling lifestyle adjustments, are purposed by a loving God, my God, my Father. And not just purposed so that I can be part of a church, part of a kingdom, involved in a work. But purposed so that I may share in the holiness of the Creator, the only Real God. This is like a king saying to an adopted son, “I don’t just want to bring you to live in my house. I want you to share in the character of the royal family.” God is infinitely good, perfect, beautiful. And so sharing in His holiness is sharing in all these perfections. It’s like being called to be nestled in God, part of His royal family, sharing not just in His creation, but in God Himself. That is truly wonderful.

Finally, it upsets me to know the corruption of my heart, that I am so resistant to this good purpose. God wants for me to have the best in the world, to share in His holiness. He has, at great cost, adopted me as one of His sons, to make me part of His family. And He is willing to get serious with me, putting me through some tough training, to bring me up to standard. I should be thrilled with that. But I’m not. I continue to cherish my sin and bad habits, like a footballer who knows that the coach just wants to make them a better player but hates the hard training sessions and prefers to continue in laziness and bad practice.

May God give me grace to accept the discipline, and to rise to the training, and to rely more fully on Him, my wonderful God and Father.

What is prayer?

"Do not be anxious about anything," says Paul, "but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God." (Philippians 4:6) James writes, "Is any one of you in trouble? He should pray." (James 5:13)

If we turn to Matthew 26, when Jesus was "sorrowful and troubled" (v37) in Gethsemane, we find that his response was earnest prayer. "Going a little farther, he fell with his face to the ground and prayed…" (v39). If the Son of God felt the need to pray in his darkest hour, then we should too. In fact, in that very hour Jesus told his disciples to do just that. He had asked his disciples to keep watch with him, but they feel asleep. When he rose from praying and found them sleeping, he said to Peter, "Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation." (v41)

Prayer is one of those typically religious things. Most religions have prayer as one of their core ingredients. Muslims pray, Jews pray, Hindus pray, Sikhs pray, even the Roman pagans used to pray. But that can lead to confusion. I didn't even understand the definition given in Wikipedia: "Prayer is a form of religious practice that seeks to activate a volitional connection to some greater power in the universe through deliberate practice." The fact is that the concept of prayer is different - sometimes subtly, sometimes drastically - in different religions. That is not a surprise, since every religion differs in its view of God, mankind and the relationship between God and mankind. Since prayer is, at the very least, about communication by human beings, different religions will have different views and practices when it comes to prayer, depending on, a) who or what that religion says we must communicate with, and b) how said entity/entities prefer or demand to be communicated with according to that religion.

So we must beware of having a view of prayer that is a kind of eclectic mishmash gleaned from the pluralistic culture of our day. As Christians we must let the Bible guide us when it comes to prayer. And since when tough times come prayer feels most necessary and natural, we need to know what to pray in those times and what to expect.

For Christians prayer could simply be defined as the way that we speak to God. Let's not confuse things by talking about listening to God in prayer! God's communication to us might come while we are praying. But it isn't prayer. God speaking to us comes through much more diverse means. Mainly God speaks through His prophets and apostles, and therefore through the Bible. But we may also refer to the inner promptings of the Holy Spirit, for example, as "the Lord told me". But when the direction of communication is from us to God there is only one way of describing it - prayer.

It's also worth pointing out that prayer is communication between persons. Our God is a "personal" God. That doesn't mean that we each have our own individual God! I don't mean "personal" in the same sense someone might have a "personal shopper" or a "personal identification number" - i.e. an individual thing that can only relate to one individual person. God is personal in the sense that he exists in a way that relates to us as persons. Human beings were the only creatures made "in the image of God" (Genesis 1:27). And so He does not have the same relationship with animals and trees as He does with human beings. Because we are made in the image of God, we are wired to specially relate to Him. The communication between God and human beings is person to person. And therefore the way that we communicate with God will be very similar to the way that we communicate with other human persons.

I make that last point because there are other religions that see prayer as simply connecting to a higher power. Their concept of god is simply a powerful being or a mystical concept or such like. Therefore, their gods cannot be communicated with on the same level. For them, prayer is something different than talking. When I visited Bangalore in India on business once, I had the opportunity to visit the ISKCON temple on the Saturday and to go to the local Anglican church on the Sunday. It struck me that one of the main differences between the Hinduism practised by ISKCON and true Biblical Christianity is visible in worship and prayer. Hindus say mindless mantras, in this particular case the Hare Krishna. Christians use intelligible, propositional, linguistically rational, communication. The Hindu aim is to use the mere sound waves from the Hare Krishna mantra, said over and over for hours on end, to revive a state of Krishna consciousness. The Christian aim is to communicate in words that people understand, an intelligible message from God and an intelligible prayer to God.

We speak to God, he hears, he understands and he answers.

But to say that prayer is "speaking to God" is to state only a very basic truth. When human beings speak to their creator it is a very special form of communication. Because God infinitely transcends us, the communication with him will naturally transcend any other person-to-person communication. Think about the most obvious differences. We are limited by space, time and by physical and mental capacities. We will only be heard by other people if we speak out loud (telepaths are extremely rare, if they exist at all in reality) or write or make signals. We can only be "heard" by people within an audible or visual range, or by those who are able to receive our written communication. The audible or visual range of our communication can be extended by technology (printed books, the postal system, telephones, video, internet, etc.), but not infinitely. There will never be any way for a human being to communicate with everyone on the planet. God, on the other hand, can hear the thoughts of our hearts, so that we can think our prayers quietly and he hears them. We can only concentrate on receiving communication from a limited number of sources. God hears all the prayers that are directed to him, and can in the same instant take in prayers from an infinite number of sources. He sees and hears everything in the whole universe all the time. We are limited to communicating in languages that we understand. God is not limited by language. Prayer may be "speaking to God", but God's transcendence means that speaking to him is something very special.

But we should push further. When human beings speak to God it is not just the transcendence of his nature that we need to consider. In other words it's not just the fact that he is an infinitely greater being that makes speaking with him special. He is our creator. He made us. He made the animals, birds, fish, mountains and flowers too. So we are not just lesser beings, we are subordinate beings. Being lesser or greater does not imply any rights or responsibilities to each other. I am a lesser footballer than Wayne Rooney, but that does not create any relationship between him and me, and neither of us has automatic rights or responsibilities towards each other arising from his greater athletic abilities. However, my children are subordinate to me, owing to the fact that Heidi and I brought them into the world. They owe their existence to us, and therefore that creates rights and responsibilities within the family. Hence, in the same way God's creation of the universe puts the universe under God - subordinate to God. Hence, in prayer we speak not only to a greater being, but to the one who gives us the breath to pray, the strength to live, the environment to survive within, and the mind to understand our needs, our environment and our responsibilities.

Furthermore, he didn't make animals, birds, fish, stars, galaxies, atoms, etc. to relate to him in the same way as human beings. Men and women were made "in his image" and were given authority over the rest of creation (Genesis 1:27-28). So not only are we beings that are subordinate to God, we are subordinate with specific delegated responsibilities. God has given us an active role and purpose within his creation.

It's worth pausing to take note that the recognition of this relationship between human beings and God, our creator, who is the source and ruler of everything, is absolutely fundamental to understanding the meaning of life, the universe and everything. At the very least, it is something you need to understand if you want to understand Christianity. In this age of postmodernism people tend to look at Christianity from the outside with a kind of watered down caricature of God. If you look at the cartoons and the satires of Christianity you would tend to find God pictured as a man with a white beard sitting on a cloud. In one classic episode of The Simpsons, God comes to sit down next to Homer beside the swimming pool in heaven! He is that great being who sometimes does things in the world and sometimes chooses not to, who has a place called "heaven" for people who choose to honour him before they die. In that view, we are lesser beings than God, but in no way subordinate to him, and certainly with no responsibility to him. It's like me and Wayne Rooney: greater than me, but not in any way implying any responsibility. By contrast, the Christian view of God and man, which we take as being revealed by God himself in the Bible, is that he created us to have delegated authority in the universe, and therefore he has a right to demand our service, our allegiance, and we have a responsibility to live the lives he has given us in a way that honours him.

So when we pray we are speaking to the one who has created us and given us a role of great responsibility within his creation. This should fill us with awe.

Reflections on Hardship 5

I am writing again in my hospital bed, only a week or so after I first wrote of my illness in the 3rd article in this series. It is now Sunday 31st January 2010. When I wrote that earlier article I had no idea that the illness would turn out to be as serious as it is. I knew obviously that it was serious enough to be hospitalized and be taking fluids by IV! But I thought they just needed to do a few tests, work out what was wrong and then do something quickly - either involving minor surgery or medication - and then I would be on my way home. It was a bit of an inconvenience, and a frustration, and yes, a derailment.

But 4 days ago I found out that the problem is actually caused by a lymphoma - a type of cancer. As I write, the biopsy results still have not been fully finalized so that we know exactly which sort of lymphoma it is. However, I am told that any lymphoma is treatable, and probably has the highest cure rate of any cancer. However, that does not make it a walk in the park! The cure comes at the cost of 6 months of chemotherapy (assuming it is the type they think it is) and other treatment. This is more than a derailment.

So what will my reaction be? Do I regret writing any of the stuff I have previously written about the reasons for Christians suffering hardship and pain? How can I see a silver lining in this? What is the good that will come of it, since I seem so sure that God has a good purpose in anything that happens to His children?

Let me first of all say that I have had no desire to retract anything. I still look at hardship and suffering in the same way. Ok, this is pretty bad, and I haven't been through the worst of it yet, but I still know that God is the same God, He loves me, He has everything in the world in the palm of His hand. He gave His Son to die for me, so why would anything else good be withheld from me?

The other thing is that I admit that I cried 3 days ago. But perhaps not for reasons you may think.

I had had a really exhausting day the day after I received the diagnosis of lymphoma. It was stressful trying to work out how to tell the kids without worrying them unnecessarily, but that went well. Unfortunately I was sick and felt sick pretty much all day as well. The first time I was sick was literally minutes before the porter arrived to take me for another CT scan. I sat in the wheelchair going down to the scan with a sick bowl in my lap! I then felt sick all afternoon and had to put on a bright and cheerful face when the kids came up to visit. After they had all gone I flopped on my bed, and the next I knew it was almost 2 hours later! I got up and was sick again!

The next day was the day I cried. Somebody was telling me how people had been helped by my recently posted blog articles. I'd also received two moving messages in particular that spoke of the impact a couple of the articles had had on people. And I just felt overwhelmed.

The reason I feel overwhelmed is that God has yet again used my situation to bring glory to Himself, to draw people closer to Himself. And it seems like the weaker I am, the more that seems to happen. The words I was trying to get out while I was too emotional were something like, "writing these articles is just about all I've been able to do while I've been in here, just lying in bed most days, and yet they seem to be have been used more by God than almost anything I've ever done."

In 2 Corinthians 12:9-10, the apostle Paul tells us what the Lord said to him when he was facing harsh trials and pleading for relief: "… he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.'" Paul's response was to react with joy. He says, "Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest in me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults [received], in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong."

I guess that's how I feel now. His power has been magnified so far in my weakness. And I hope it continues that way. And I hope I am able to continue to talk of my weakness, and my tears, in order to glorify God. In fact, given the grueling months I think we have ahead of us, I don't think there is any doubt that I will be able to talk some more about my weakness!

God has a good reason for everything!

The last thing I wanted to say here is that there are some people who hate Christians, and want to make us out to be arrogant moralists or wacky airheads! But when I read the New Testament, all I seem to come across is deep forgiveness, bringing radical healing and redemption, preached through people who are in themselves unimpressive and pretty weak. True Christians delight to highlight our own weaknesses so that we can show just how much God has done, and is doing for us, and show Him as strong and glorious.

I hope I always remember to do that. At the moment I just know that in my mind cancer is big and kind of scary. But I also know that God is bigger, He knows all about cancer and He knows the purpose behind it. He also loves me and part of His purpose will involve good for me and others who love Him, even if I never personally witness the full extent of it. And as Corrie Ten Boon said from within the Nazi concentration camp, "No hell is so deep that He is not deeper still."

To Him be the glory!

Why blog?

One of the things I had to ask myself before I set up my two blogs (this one, Reflections, and the Creative Finance & Management blog) - and will have to keep reminding myself of - is why do I want to publish material in blogs? Having seen some really great blogs, with useful and helpful material, I admit to feeling a little nervous – can I do as good a job?. On the other hand, the other thing that makes me wonder a bit is the prospect of wasting hours writing articles that no-one will ever read! The internet is full of blogs and I don’t know who reads them all!

I don’t really consider myself an expert in any sphere. I’m a qualified accountant, yes. I’ve had a fair bit of experience in doing Finance jobs, sure. But compared to the guys that write in the journals I read, my Finance is not quite that tied down. I’ve also studied the Bible quite a bit, but I’ve never been to theological college and so any articles on theology might not carry so much weight. I’m also a musician and song-writer, but I’m not someone anyone would look to for tips or advice!

So why am I writing two blogs, and about to start a third (Big Questions)?

Well, each of them has a slightly different purpose:

The Creative Finance & Management blog is for my reflections on my professional experiences. Even though I may not be a guru, and I don’t have my own toolbox of self-developed techniques and solutions to sell, I have had a pretty wide and varied career so far. And my learnings through the years, reflecting on my experiences, may be of value to people. Shared experiences often cement the learning from the text books, so my articles should in theory be complementary to those published in the Finance journals. And publishing the thoughts can demonstrate to potential clients that my experience is relevant, and that I have the intellect and positive energy to learn and improve. So I feel that publishing some thoughts on these subjects will be helpful, both to those seeking help in those areas and also a help to my business.

The Reflections blog (where we are now!) is really me sharing my wider life experiences. Reflections is really a good word. I do tend to think deeply about the things I experience, the trials I go through, the things I see and hear and read. And perhaps the product of that thinking may either help somebody somewhere to think through their own life experiences, or maybe I may just have hit on an insight or idea that will help somebody. I suppose also that it will show to anyone doing any research on me a bit more of the real me – my faith, my interests, my deep thinking, my personality and approach to challenges.

The Big Questions blog (when I get around to setting it up again) will fill a gap, I feel. I spent a lot of time, on train journeys between Basingstoke and London a few years ago, listening to MP3 seminars in Christian Apologetics by Prof Greg Bahnsen. And I felt that the approach he took to debating the truth of Christianity with unbelievers was quite refreshing. I know it was based on the earlier work of Cornelius Van Til, but Van Til’s writings were very much aimed at seminary students and philosophers (and are therefore a little mind boggling!). Bahnsen seemed to be the one making “Presuppositional Apologetics” accessible to all Christians. His burden was that all Christians should be able to defend the truths of Christianity. So my thought was to start a blog that discusses the truth of Christianity using the principles I had learned, in the hope that it may both help my Christian brothers and sisters talk about their faith, and that my unbelieving friends and blog-visitors would get some food for thought in considering what I think are life’s biggest questions.

Overall, I hope it becomes clear that I am trying to do something useful by blogging. Not only will it help friends, colleagues, clients, and others who know me, to keep track of what I am about and what I am thinking. It will also allow me to “give something back”. I know that sounds like a cliché, and perhaps that’s why I put it in quotation marks, but I guess it is somewhat true. I’ll finish off this article by explaining what I mean:

I’ve been having something of a mid-life crisis over the last few years – seriously! I haven’t bought myself a Porsche or a Ducati or run off with a young blond or anything like that. That’s the caricature. But my redundancies (3 of them in 7 years) and periods of unemployment have given me cause for a lot of navel gazing. And that has led to frustration, depression and uncertainty at times. Job hunting involves thinking and planning about what I want to work at, what sort of companies I want to work for, where I want to work, etc etc. After some lack of success I would start to question whether I was aiming at the right thing, and eventually I realized that after all that questioning I was starting to lose my moorings. I was questioning what I was living for. Why am I here? And perhaps I’ll expand on this in another article. But to cut a long story short, and get to the point, I realized I was trying to be something of some significance, and my depression was partly caused by the realization that I am half way through my life (God willing - if I don’t die suddenly) and I am not making a significant contribution to anything.

My next thought is the reason for the blogging. I then realized that famous people, those who do make a significant personal contribution to some area of life – the preachers, the world leaders, the entrepreneurs, the rock stars, the sports stars, etc – often cited quite simple, small influences that made a big impact on them and inspired them to do what they do. And I also realized how many people have thanked me for my influence on them, and how many people I can have a positive influence on in some sphere or other. If my children ever say when they grow up, “I remember my dad used to say…”, that will be great (as long as it’s something good!). But it’s not just my children. I have worked with hundreds of people, dealt with loads of recruitment consultants, managed teams of people, and have friends and family all around the world.

Perhaps my purpose in life is not to be personally significant. Perhaps my purpose in life is 100,000 small encouragements to my children, my family, my friends, my colleagues and clients, people I meet. And so I recall that the second way of summing up our human responsibility before God is, “love your neighbour as yourself.” My experiences, my personality, my brain, my personal reflections, my learning – they have all been given to me for a reason. And so, having accumulated all that over 39 years, it’s probably time to try and consciously give something back by passing on little insights and tips, and simply by sharing some experiences.

So I pray, as I start all these blogs, that all my thoughts, reflections, advice and insights may be glorifying to God, and will be helpful in some way to you, the reader.