How I came to faith

-->

I thought this time I might share with you the story of how I came to faith in Jesus. It’s a bit self indulgent, but then again that’s what this blog is all about – my reflections on experiences and stuff! And anyway, I do sometimes get asked.

I don’t call it ‘how I became a Christian’, because I think I would have always called myself a Christian. My mum and dad are Christians, so I would never have considered myself anything else. So in that sense I wasn’t ‘converted’. I didn’t ‘convert’ from atheism or Hinduism or Judaism to Christianity.

However, as kids do, when I was small I used to believe everything Mum and Dad told me, just because they said so. And there’s nothing wrong with that. What else can you do as a child? You learn everything from your Mum and Dad, so if they say that Jesus saves us from our sins then why would you question that?

But there does come a time when you do start to ask whether what your mum and dad believe is true. You start to need persuading, even about what clothes to wear, how to behave at school and what time to go to bed. So you start to ask whether God is real, and whether Jesus really is the Saviour of the world.

So I was sat in church one Sunday morning, listening to the vicar give his talk about the Bible. I was about twelve years old. I don’t even remember what he was talking about. But I remember suddenly realizing that what he was talking about was real. It wasn’t a made up story or a myth. It was stuff that actually happened. God was real. Jesus was real. And if they were real then Heaven and Hell were real. What I’d been taught about the world, God, Jesus, sin, being saved all made sense to me in my head. But suddenly I knew that if all this was real and true, then I could not go on in life without it affecting the way I lived my life.

I suppose I realized that Jesus was calling me not just to believe in him, but to follow him. This wasn’t just something that I could keep for Sundays only. I had a real Heavenly Father, and a real Saviour, who had saved me from a real Hell, and given me the hope of a real eternal life in a real Heaven - just as real as everything I could see, hear, smell and touch. And that meant it affected every day and everything, not just Sundays at church.

So I prayed that God would help me to live as a Christian every day and learn to follow him.

I don’t think at that age I really realized everything that meant, and I still have lots to learn even thirty years later, but for me that was the start of the journey.

Was I a changed person after that point? Well, yes, but not in a dramatic way that anyone would have really noticed. And I don’t remember being really committed to prayer and reading my Bible until I was seventeen. In between I was a normal teenager with normal interests – I played cricket, and I learned the guitar and started a rock band and started writing songs. But what I do remember is that when I did read the Bible or hear a talk at church, I heard it like it was something that would apply to me. And when I prayed at church or with Mum and Dad I knew that I was really speaking to my heavenly Father, and so I used to pray more and more on my own. It was a bit like waking up from a dreamy sleep.

Of course, life is the only test of whether faith is real. We live out what we really believe. Self-deception is possible and indeed common. So I am constantly aware of the need to fight off the influences of an apathetic world that is constantly trying to kill my faith with a thousand hours of TV-banality, atheistic smugness and shoulder-shrugging peer pressure. We have to persevere to the end to be saved, and only perseverance to the end will prove our faith to be real.

Of course, the hardships and the bad things that happen in our lives should be seen as trials to prove our faith genuine. “…now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that the proven genuineness of your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed.” (1 Peter 1:6-7)

And I can certainly identify a few times of hardship in my own life – 4 redundancies and 4 significant periods of unemployment, 2 bouts of cancer. This blog is testimony to the way I have searched for that “proven genuineness” of faith. I have sought to apply what I have learned from the Bible, and believe in my head and in my heart, to the situations I find myself in. I have wrestled and learned even more in the process. And I hope that this will result in “praise, glory and honour” for Christ.

One of the biggest things I’ve learned is that the purpose of life – yes, I believe that life does have a purpose – is God-centred and not me-centred or even man-centred.

But even when life is easier, our faith is being tried and tested. In the parable of the sower (Mark 4:1-20) Jesus talks about four types of soil representing four types of people who hear the Word of God. Only one rejects the Word outright. Two produce seedlings that did not last and become fruitful – one because of hardship, the other because “the cares of the world and the deceitfulness of riches and the desires for other things” choked the life out of them (v19). So even the successes, the good things, family, friends, possessions, wealth, happiness, fun, enjoyment – all these things can try our faith.

They are things that can suck the life out of our faith simply by getting in front of God. We become too busy to pray, to go to church, to read the Bible. Before we know it we are doing things and saying things we wouldn’t have dreamed of doing before. Then we feel guilty. Then we forget that God’s grace is to sinners, and we perversely tell ourselves that God won’t have us back… and then we don’t look back. It happens time and time again.

If you are one of those people that has reached the end of that progression, please remember that God welcomes us like the father in the parable of the Prodigal Son. None of us deserve His love and forgiveness, but He is merciful to all who come to Him through the Lord Jesus in faith and repentance.

For my own part, I have also had more than my fair share of smooth times too, and have experienced complacency and regretted it. Paul said, “Let anyone who thinks that he stands take heed lest he fall.” (1 Corinthians 10:12) I knew that verse like the back of my hand and still didn’t see the fall coming. Perhaps this is why Paul says in his letter to the Ephesians (5:15-16), “Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil.”

Anyway, so that’s my story. I hope that you have found it helpful. It’s not earthshattering or miraculous, quite undramatic. But it’s me, and it’s real. So I’d encourage you to ponder the real God, who in different ways is doing real things in the lives of real people day after day. And if you are a Christian, please keep striving for that “proven genuineness” of your faith in good times and in bad – because both will come. If you’re not a Christian, wake up and stop living in a dream world where meaning is elusory, purpose is meaningless and actions have no real consequences. Repent and start living in the real world, with the real God, with real purpose and meaning, and where there really is an eternal life through Jesus Chris after this one.

Am I a Bigot?

It wasn’t until the day the 2012 US Presidential Election results were announced that I finally took a little bit of interest in it. I don’t normally have much time for news, from the newspapers or from the radio or TV. I have become somewhat cynical about media reporting, not only because of the way certain stories are reported, but because I’m suspicious of the editorial decision-making over what constitutes a newsworthy story in the first place. Be that as it may, I’ve observed over many years that the British media coverage of US politics is pretty anti-conservative. They largely poked fun at Reagan, ridiculed both Bush’s, especially the last one; and Dan Quayle was especially targeted. We seem to wring our hands in frustration that Americans could be so stupid as to vote in their millions for such “idiots”. It’s very hard over here to feel we are getting an unbiased view of US politicians in our news reports (or any foreign politicians for that matter), so I tend to pay very little attention since I don’t have to vote for a US President.

However, when I heard Mitt Romney being referred to as a “moron” (a play on words on his Mormon faith), a “cretin” and a “bigot” in social media discussions based on anti-Romney news articles, I thought it all sounded a bit extreme. So I had a little look at what might provoke people to name-calling and, to be honest, downright religious hatred. I found that he’d been CEO of Bain & Co, a very well-respected international management consulting firm, and Governor of Massachusetts. I also found it interesting that, whilst he did not win the election, he was voted for by 59 million people (more than the entire population of England). So why was it we Brits took such a dislike to the man?

Partly, at least, it appeared to be the simple fact that he allowed moral principles arising from his faith as a Mormon to influence his policies in public life. Probably most notable was his opposition to legalization of same-sex marriage whilst Governor of Massachusetts, which was played out rather awkwardly in a tussle over whether same-sex partners could both be named on birth certificates of children they either adopted or had born to them. Whilst it was hard to see through the rhetoric and the editorial arm waving, and despite the fact that I could only find the sound-bite quotations, rather than the speeches and discussions reported more fully in context, it appeared to me that Mr Romney was acting out of principled belief and not out of bigotry.

And what of Nick Clegg, the British Deputy Prime Minister, who in September this year reportedly referred to opponents of the redefinition of marriage as “bigots” in the first draft of a speech in September (later redrafting to refer to “some people”)?

The gay rights charity Stonewall has an annual awards evening that includes an award for ‘Bigot of the Year’. The 2012 award was won by Cardinal Keith O’Brien, the leader of the Roman Catholic church in Scotland.

As someone who is very concerned about, and opposed to, the proposed redefinition of marriage to include long term same-sex partnerships, in response to these kind of comments I have to ask myself, am I a bigot? Am I being bigoted in saying that I think that homosexual relationships are wrong, and therefore the concept of same-sex ‘marriage’ is wrong? I’m an evangelical Christian, rather than Mormon or Roman Catholic, but since I come to a similar position on this issue via similar logic, if Mitt Romney and Keith O’Brien can be labeled bigots then so should I. Should I be concerned? Offended?

Yes and No.

Of course, the position that views same-sex relationships as wrong on the basis of religious conviction is not by definition bigoted. One definition I found says that bigotry is the “stubborn and complete intolerance of any creed, belief, or opinion that differs from one’s own.” Disagreeing, begging to differ, debating, defending a position, having a different view, has never been seen as necessarily intolerant. So given that I’m not trying gag the gay rights lobby, however vociferous they are, and I’m not trying to outlaw anyone from saying that homosexuality is right or ok, and I’m not unwilling to engage in debate, there is no way I can legitimately be called a bigot.

The historic legal position, or even the taboo, which was intolerant of homosexual practice also cannot be labeled bigoted, since bigotry relates to intolerance of having opinions. Western (democratic) society was intolerant of homosexual practice because the majority believed it to be wrong and perverted. That is simply what happens when you have a moral principle: people who transgress are either criminalized or culturally marginalized, or face some consequences, democratically decided. For example, we have other moral principles that are still agreed on today – e.g. we don’t think it’s right to cheat, so the Lance Armstrongs of the world face regulatory consequences for their actions as well as the condemnation of the media. But we’re not bigoted against cheating. (On the other hand, if someone wanted to argue that doping is not cheating, and should be legalized, fair enough, let them argue their case. And it would be bigoted not to listen to that case!)

So it’s not a concern to be labeled a ‘bigot’ from the point of view of the fact that it’s clearly incorrect. However, it is a concern and it is offensive, because it shows that legitimate debate has given way to name-calling.

But as I outlined in my series ‘Whose RulesRule?’ on this blog, name-calling is all but inevitable when we are bereft of common ground or a higher authority on which to appeal. Christians appeal to the moral standards of God Almighty, the Creator and Ruler of the entire Universe, as the basis for deciding what is right and wrong. Secular non-religious Westerners only have themselves to look to as their ultimate authority.

My fear, as I mentioned in one of those previous articles, is that whilst Christians are not bigoted and intolerant (in the main – although there are a minority of Christians who do not act in a loving way), the opposition from unbelievers is becoming bigoted and intolerant. It is becoming culturally unacceptable - open to condemnation, victimization and oppression - to say what one thinks, especially in the realms of sexual freedom, feminism or pre-birth human rights (or even, let’s be honest, in the realms of the creation of the universe).

To the secular non-religious Westerner the existence, in their democratic society, of opinions that would threaten to stifle their freedom to choose their own moral path is becoming intolerable. Because of our Christian heritage they want to be able to argue the case, but find that with no common ground their opponents are immovable. And therefore, they resort to the name-calling and fun-poking that we have seen over the past 40-50 years, and are now moving to the active oppression and intolerance we have been increasingly seeing over the past 10-15 years.

How then should we proceed?

My first appeal is to readers who are not Christians: Please don’t be intolerant and bigoted. Please don’t write Christians off as such. We are not stupid, nasty or hateful (as I was labeled in one social media discussion). Rather I appeal to you to engage with the Christian worldview. Find out why we believe what we believe, and find out what it is that we really believe. Find out why Jesus Christ is the focus of God’s love and yet is the most divisive character in history. One place to start, which is only convenient because you’re here on the blog already, is my other articles on morality – the ‘Whose Rules Rule?’ series. Send comments and questions. Discuss. Engage.

My final appeal is to readers who are Christians: Please don’t be discouraged when you are verbally attacked and called a bigot, homophobe, fundamentalist, Bible-basher, stupid, nasty, hateful, ridiculous, religious nut, etc, etc. Our Saviour told us to expect it. “Blessed are you when people hate you and when they exclude you and revile you and spurn your name as evil, on account of the Son of Man! Rejoice in that day, and leap for joy, for behold, your reward is great in heaven…” (Luke 6:22-23)

“If the world hates you, know that it has hated me before it hated you. If you were of the world, the world would love you as its own; but because you are not of the world, but I chose you out of the world, therefore the world hates you.” (John 15:18-19)

If the unbelieving world with which we come into contact does not hate Jesus then they have not understood him properly. Once we do our job of explaining and showing Jesus to the world, they will either hate him or repent. If we leave them to see Him as another version of Buddha or Confucius, a kind man who teaches us to be nice to each other, then they will not repent and then will not have any chance to be saved. Once they understand that Jesus’ purpose in coming was to turn them back from their sinful rejection of God’s rule over their lives, because they love their autonomy, they will hate all that He stands for… and the people who preach His name.

Remember the Jews liked the miracle-working-Jesus, but hated the sin-defeating-Jesus. Remember the Roman emperors didn’t mind the hard-working-Rabbi-Jesus, but they hated the worship-me-alone-Jesus. And they hated Him, called Him names, and killed Him. And He’s the One we are called to take up our cross and follow.

So let’s make sure that we don’t shy away from talking about sin, about what’s right and what’s wrong, calling people to repentance, because that’s what Jesus is all about. And as always, let’s “run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured from sinners such hostility against himself, so that you may not grow weary or faint-hearted.” (Hebrews 12:1-3)

Jimmy Saville, Lance Armstrong - not a time for faith in human nature

I remember Sir Jimmy Saville on TV as I was growing up. Jim’ll Fix It was a show that I tuned into every Saturday evening, eager to see what wonders he was going to work for lucky children. He seemed kind, jolly, genuinely happy to be making kids smile. And one of the great things about him was that he used his fame and celebrity status to raise money and raise awareness for children’s charities and hospitals – things that he never got paid for.

But now (October 2012) barely a year after his death at the age of 84 his reputation is in tatters because of growing accusations of sexual abuse involving teenage girls. How let down we feel, those of us who looked up to him in our youth. There is a temptation to deny the truth of the allegations, I don’t want it to be true, but the evidence (whilst not yet tested in court) seems too overwhelming.

And then there is Lance Armstrong, the winner of seven Tour de France between 1999 and 2005, the guy who conquered cancer to come back to the top of cycling, the co-founder of the Livestrong Foundation, which has raised around $500m for cancer research and support. A living legend so we thought.

And then came the US Anti-Doping Agency investigation, which found that he had been the ringleader in the systematic distribution and taking of performance enhancing drugs in his team, throughout his time at the top. Many of us didn’t want to believe it, even the International Cycling Union at first didn’t want to believe it, but 1,000 pages of evidence, including 26 detailed witness statements have forced the truth out. Armstrong has now been stripped of his Tour de France titles. And such was the pervasiveness of the doping culture in cycling at the time that those titles cannot be handed down to anyone in the second and third place positions, because most of them have questions hanging over them too.

What are we to think? If our heroes turn out to be, well, less than heroic, what hope is there for us? And do their bad deeds cast a shadow over the good that they brought about? Does that good – the progress in cancer treatment, the happiness and healing brought to children - become tainted because it came from people tainted with evil?

October 2012 definitely is not a time to have faith in human nature. Human nature, it appears, if we measure it by those we think are at the top of their game, is a pretty horrid mixture.

Sometimes we’ve taken a much too optimistic view of the progress we’ve made as human beings. Not in scientific knowledge and technological advances, which are undeniable, but in our capacity for making the right moral choices. Sometimes we have tried hard to believe that we were making progress there too, with humanity getting better, giving more, caring more, persecuting less, tolerating more, living more peacefully. But it’s all self-deception. It’s less than a century since the bloodiest war the world has ever known. It’s less than a century since Stalin’s genocide in the name of progress and equality. We’re still processing the war crimes from the civil war in the Balkans twenty years ago. We’re still reeling from the atrocities uncovered in Rwanda and the Democratic Republic of Congo. We had Idi Amin in Uganda, Robert Mugabe in Zimbabwe. Syria now takes its turn in showing how brutal human beings can be. And lest we forget, our troops are still in Afghanistan to try to suppress terrorist extremist groups that would threaten our hard-won peace. And in the West, we have riots and looting, widespread sexually transmitted disease, and increasing social fragmentation. How is the 21^st century any better than the 1^st century or 1,000 years before that? The same evil is perpetrated, but with TVs and communications technology that enables us to see it wherever it happens in the world.

And on top of that we know deep down that we too are capable of some horrible, evil things too. We can’t sit and tut-tut as we watch the news, thinking how much worse other people are, much as we like to. In fact we love to. And we love to do that because it allows us to place the blame for all of humanity’s woes onto somebody else – the uneducated, the lazy, the sexually stupid (not that they are more promiscuous or adulterous or perverse, but they don’t take adequate protective measures), the religious fanatics, the fundamentalists, the psychologically unstable. But if we’re honest, we have the same flaws.

Jimmy Saville and Lance Armstrong are examples of people who make us feel uncomfortable, because they were as good as we liked to think of ourselves, and we can’t ignore the good that they’ve done. They were not religious fanatics, psychologically unstable, lazy or uneducated. They were just like us, but they had the opportunity to indulge some of the things that we can’t. And they went for it big time.

I don’t know why, but modern non-religious Westerners, even in the face of all that, still do not like to talk about the concept of sin. They are quite content to talk about evil, because evil is an extreme word for extremely bad people, not people like us.

And this is the crucial point for the non-religious West. We have to grasp the reality and pervasiveness of sin, around us and within, affecting each and every human being. Far from having faith in human nature, we need to recognize that human nature is tainted irreparably. Michael Jackson was right when he pointed the finger at the ‘man in the mirror’. We are all much less than perfect.

Why do we need to face these facts? Why do we need to feel the guilt and despair of seeing the reality of our sin? Because without that we will know nothing of our need for salvation. And without knowing our need we will not cry out for salvation. And if we don’t cry out for salvation, God – who alone is able to save – will not give us salvation. We need to know that sin is the core of all the problems of the world, all the problems of our relationships, our temptations, our failures and all the problems of our own personality.

God graciously gave His Law so that we would know both His hatred of sin and the reality of sin in our lives. But He also gave us His only Son to save us from our sin if we repent and believe in him. Mary was told by the angel before his birth, “you shall call his name Jesus, for he will save his people from their sins.” (Matthew 1:21)

Jesus Christ is celebrated and worshipped by His people because He has saved them from the worst enemy, the thing that would have resulted in their eternal damnation under the wrath of the holy God. Sin is what separates us from God. And the gospel of Jesus Christ – the good news – is that Jesus took to the wrath of God upon himself, the penalty that we deserved, for the sins of his people, so that we might be reconciled to Him.

So let’s face facts. Humanity is fallen. Humanity cannot save itself. Humanity on its own cannot build a better future. Everything we do is tainted with sin. And let’s turn to Him who alone has the answer – not Lance Armstrong, not Jimmy Saville, but Jesus Christ the Son of God, our suffering saviour.

Hardships to make you holy

I have taken recently to reading books by Christians past and present, who suffer and suffered in some way. I guess it's because I consider myself to be suffering with my illness and the constant battle to stay employed. I know I'm not suffering to the same degree as the people I’m reading about - Joni Eareckson Tada, Corrie Ten Boom, Helen Roseveare, William Tyndale, John G. Paton, Adoniram Judson, C.S. Lewis - but I want to learn from the way they handled their greater suffering, so that I can learn to better bear and understand my own smaller hardships.

One thing I used to think, having a strong view of God's sovereign providence, was that God uses hardships to prepare us for greater service, for some great ministry, or some great success in the future (a bit like the great examples named above). I then came to wonder what happens when we come to that greater ministry or that great success. What does God do in our lives then? Well, I supposed He must prepare us for even greater things… until the logical conclusion, when we die, are we prepared for heaven? So perhaps the whole of our lives is a preparation for our place in the New Creation.

But what does that mean?

I have come to learn that that means holiness, and that holiness and sanctification are the most important purpose behind all that God does in our lives. Yes, He is working to spread the gospel. Yes, He is using His people, using their suffering, to call attention to the glory of Christ. But what He wants most from us in response to everything that He brings into our lives – hardships and happiness - is holiness.

Sure, God is making things happen. Nothing happens that is not part of His sovereign purpose and plan. But in everything He purposes to happen, His fundamental purpose is for our holiness, so that we may bring Him greater glory.

J.I. Packer said in A Passion for Holiness, ‘We must be clear in our minds that whatever further reasons there may be why God exposes us to the joys and sorrows, fulfillments and frustrations, delights and disappointment, happinesses and hurts, that make up the emotional reality of our lives, all these experiences are part of his curriculum for us in the school of holiness, which is his spiritual gymnasium for our reshaping and rebuilding in the moral likeness of Jesus Christ.’ (1992, Crossway Books, pp16-17)

And that is hard! It’s is the hardest thing I find about the Christian life. I am so incredibly imperfect, more than any human being will hopefully ever fully know – even my wife… and she knows all of my imperfections very well! I don’t give up on my sin easily. But hardships tend to focus the mind somewhat on what really matters.

But even my suffering authors find it difficult too. Helen Roseveare, in 'Give Me This Mountain', writes of when she first went to be a missionary in Congo in the 1950s. She recalls being told by an experienced colleague, “If you think you have come to the mission field because you are a little better than others, or as the cream of your church, or because of your medical degree, or for the service you can render the African church, or even for the souls you may see saved, you will fail. Remember, the Lord has only one purpose ultimately for each of us, to make us more like Jesus. He is interested in your relationship with Himself. Let Him take you and mould you as He will; all the rest will take its rightful place.”

So God does not just care about getting more people into church. He cares mostly about the way that we follow Him in our day-to-day lives, and how that overflows in love to those around us, whoever they may be.

Now, some may be unconvinced that God has any purpose whatsoever in hardships. They don’t see Him as being in control of everything, so, to me at least, that means there cannot be purpose in anything that happens. In general terms a person can only have a purpose for something that they consciously do. So if we don’t see God causing/allowing things happening in the world, then there cannot be a divine purpose in the things going on in the world.

So I just want to give a couple of examples of where the Bible speaks in that way.

First, 2 Corinthians 1:8-11, “For we do not want you to be ignorant, brothers, of the affliction we experienced in Asia. For we were so utterly burdened beyond our strength that we despaired of life itself. Indeed, we felt that we had received the sentence of death. But that was to make us rely not on ourselves but on God who raises the dead. He delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us. On him we have set our hope that he will deliver us again. You also must help us by prayer, so that many will give thanks on our behalf for the blessing granted us through the prayers of many.”

Here Paul is saying that God allowed them to be “utterly burdened” beyond their strength, but that burdening, that despair, had a purpose. And that purpose was “to make us rely not on ourselves but on God who raises the dead.” I suppose you could argue that Paul doesn’t explicitly say that God purposed their hardship, only that it occurred to make them rely on God. But I don’t buy that! When we say that something has a purpose, or something happened for a reason, then there must be a person behind it. And who else would want the apostles to rely on God more? Satan? Their Roman or Jewish persecutors? No! God is the only one who would have that purpose.

And then, Hebrews 12:7, “Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as sons. For what son is not disciplined by his father?”  This is explicit. God is the one doing the discipline, the training, and the training is in the form of hardship. And what purpose does this training have? Vv10-11, “God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness. No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace…”

And with utmost clarity, Paul tells us in Romans 8:29 that we were “predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son.” That’s what God’s chosen people are for – not firstly to do, but to be – to be conformed to the image of His Son, Jesus Christ, who went through the ultimate suffering.

God has a purpose in the hardships of His people, and that purpose is holiness. And that brings me almost to tears.

Firstly to realize that all this difficulty, the emotional turmoil, the seemingly constant unsettling lifestyle adjustments, are purposed by a loving God, my God, my Father. And not just purposed so that I can be part of a church, part of a kingdom, involved in a work. But purposed so that I may share in the holiness of the Creator, the only Real God. This is like a king saying to an adopted son, “I don’t just want to bring you to live in my house. I want you to share in the character of the royal family.” God is infinitely good, perfect, beautiful. And so sharing in His holiness is sharing in all these perfections. It’s like being called to be nestled in God, part of His royal family, sharing not just in His creation, but in God Himself. That is truly wonderful.

Finally, it upsets me to know the corruption of my heart, that I am so resistant to this good purpose. God wants for me to have the best in the world, to share in His holiness. He has, at great cost, adopted me as one of His sons, to make me part of His family. And He is willing to get serious with me, putting me through some tough training, to bring me up to standard. I should be thrilled with that. But I’m not. I continue to cherish my sin and bad habits, like a footballer who knows that the coach just wants to make them a better player but hates the hard training sessions and prefers to continue in laziness and bad practice.

May God give me grace to accept the discipline, and to rise to the training, and to rely more fully on Him, my wonderful God and Father.

God is the way He is

If we are created by God – and not the other way around - why do we feel like we can challenge, and take exception to, aspects of His character and His work? 

What made me think about this was the way some people have reacted to my getting ill again. One or two people who care a lot about me have reacted really angrily. How can God allow this? Surely we don’t deserve this? How can anyone dare suggest that God allows these things for our own good? How can any good come from this situation? I’m sometimes not sure whether they are suggesting that my serious illness is evidence that there is no God, or whether they are saying that they just don’t like God if He lets ‘good’ people suffer. 

But it triggered a thought (which means I am not directing any of what follows to those people I mentioned above) that the suffering of the world sometimes washes over us, without bothering us too much, until it directly affects us. Why suddenly get upset with God or lose faith because bad things are happening to us? Bad things are happening the world over to millions of people. 

And we can’t dissociate God from any of this suffering, as if He only does things we like and the bad things are outside His control. 

This is the God who decreed that death should be experienced by every single human being, because of the sin of Adam and Eve (Genesis 3:19). This the God who destroyed every single man, woman and child – in fact every living thing - on the face of the earth, except for 8 people and a big boat full of creatures (Noah et al), with a cataclysmic flood (Genesis 7:4). This is the God who decreed painful toil for mankind because of Adam’s sin (Genesis 3:17), and the one who decreed pain in childbearing for women because of Eve’s sin (Genesis 3:16). 

This is the God who killed all the firstborn of the Egyptians when they would not let the Israelites free (Exodus 12:29). 

This is the God who punished the evil of the Canaanites with annihilation (Deuteronomy 9:4-5). 

I could go on. Ultimately this is the God who will send unrepentant sinners to Hell, showing His wrath upon them for their rejection of His Word (John 3:36). 

But someone might point out, rightly, that these are examples of bad people suffering at God’s hand. What about good people? Leaving aside the Bible's assertion that 'there is no-one righteous, not even one' (Romans 3:10), have we also ignored the fact that good people suffer, and that the Bible does not flinch from this? 

There’s always been the example of Job to turn to. He was an upright and righteous man (Job 1:1). And God allowed Satan to afflict him with bereavement, financial ruin and painful sickness. In fact, in Job’s mind his affliction is under the direct supervision of God (Job 1:21-22). 

And it’s not just Old Testament stuff. In John 21:18-19 Jesus tells Peter that he is going to suffer a death sentence similar to his own ‘to glorify God’. Paul was given ‘a thorn in the flesh’ by the Lord (2 Corinthians 12:7-9). 

And of course, we believe in a God who sent His own Son to suffer injustice, betrayal and an excruciating death on a roman cross. 

Suffering and pain have been part of God’s universe, and part of His plan, since Adam and Eve fell into sin all those years ago. So isn’t it a bit selfish to expect God to keep us healthy and happy, but direct the suffering and pain to people we don’t know? 

But the answer may come back, ‘why would you want to believe in a God who can act in this way?’ There are many different ways of responding to that. One starting point is to say that since there is only one God, then this is the only one worth believing in, because He’s the only real God. The fact of His existence is, in my view, inescapable. 

And He is who He is, no matter what I think. I can’t really pick and choose aspects of God’s character to be true, and forget the rest. God has revealed Himself, His character and purpose – as comprehensively as we are able to take on board. It’s all or nothing. The Bible portrays God as perfectly good, righteous and holy, and as just, judging and punishing; full of love but showing wrath to those who rebel against Him. Unless we accept the truth of all of these aspects, we will have an absolutely false view of God, and we will not be able to say that we believe in the God of the Bible – the only real God. 

But there is also a very great difference between believing in God, in the sense of believing He exists, and loving Him. James says that, ‘even the demons believe’ in God, ‘and shudder!’ (James 2:19). 

To those who reject the very idea of God, I say, try to come up with a consistent account of how you know anything, the nature of reality, the meaning of moral statements. Try to work out a meaningful explanation for why you care so much about me or anyone else, why suffering and hardship upsets you so much. Without God it’s impossible, and you finish in absurdity. 

To those who believe God is there, but just don’t like the way He runs the world, I say, He is your creator and you owe it to yourself to fairly listen to what He has to say about how hardship and suffering fit into the order of His universe. If you assume that what you desire is always what you should get, and that this life should always give you fortune, happiness and good health, then you will get a shock, because the real God does not promise that. But if you are prepared to submit to Him and faithfully wait for Him to bring you into an eternal world full of happiness, good health and joy – in the presence of the real God Himself – you will be prepared to face anything. Jesus Christ – through His suffering and death – enables you to have that hope if you trust Him. If Christ’s road to eternal joy involved pain and suffering, why should I expect any less? As C.S.Lewis is portrayed as saying in the film Shadowlands, "Why love, if losing hurts so much? I have no answers anymore: only the life I have lived. Twice in that life I've been given the choice: as a boy and as a man. The boy chose safety, the man chooses suffering. The pain now is part of the happiness then. That's the deal."

Faith for diagnosis and cure

Very recently the doctors diagnosed that the non-Hodgkins lymphoma, from which I have been free for two years, has returned. As at this point I have some mild symptoms, but nothing that yet stops me living normally day-to-day. I only went to the doctor really because those symptoms, though mild, felt exactly like just before I was taken ill with the disease the first time around. 

But the point is that even though I feel essentially fine, with a few aches and pains, the diagnosis from the experts is that I am very ill and that I need very intensive treatment in order to completely cure me. 

Given that I don’t feel like it’s that serious, it takes faith to believe what the doctors say. In order to submit myself to treatment I have to believe that the doctors know what they are talking about and that the diagnosis is correct. This is especially true this time because the symptoms are not yet serious. The doctors can talk about the evidence they have, but I still have to take their word that what they say is evidence is really evidence. 

I also have to believe that the treatment will be helpful and represents my best chance to avoid the worst consequences of my disease. And again, I have to take the doctors’ word on that. 

It strikes me that it’s a little bit similar to when we talk about the Christian gospel to people. We try to explain that the diagnosis is bad, but curable. According to Jesus we are heading towards the wrath of God because of our selfish, self-centred, rejection of God and His ways. Even though you may feel fine, although perhaps niggled by the odd disappointment or upset, you are not fine. The sin in your life is a serious illness that needs to be dealt with. 

And then we explain to people that the cure is to have faith in Jesus Christ, repenting from old sins and selfish ways, and living for Him. In order to submit to that cure, we must believe both that the cure is available and effective, and that the diagnosis is correct. 

I guess it’s not exactly an earth-shattering observation! 

Some people have more of a problem believing the diagnosis – we don’t naturally like to believe there are unseen problems that can be very serious. We like to think that if we feel fine then we are fine. Because if our feelings are not an accurate measure of our health, then how can we really ever know whether we are in danger of dying or not? That means we have to rely on someone else to tell us, and that means we are not self-sufficient. The same is true in the spiritual realm as in the physical – we should listen to God’s diagnosis in the spiritual realm, just as we should listen to the doctors’ diagnosis in the physical. 

Some people don’t have a problem believing the diagnosis – mainly those whose senses align with reality, those who feel as bad as they really are. In a spiritual sense, there are those who don’t have a problem admitting they are sinners because they acutely feel the guilt and they know they deserve to face some sort of punishment. But they don’t believe there is an adequate cure available. They can’t accept that God may have dealt with their sin – by punishing His own Son instead. But God promises that whoever repents and puts their trust in Jesus Christ will be saved, and will have eternal life. ‘For God so loved the world, that he gave His only Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have eternal life.’ (John 3:16) 

I suppose that one worthwhile observation to leave you with is that whether we talk about the diagnosis or the treatment/cure, in both the physical and the spiritual realm, it is better to trust in those who look objectively at your body or soul. If we trust our own feelings about how well we are or how likely we are to be cured then we can tend either towards complacency or despondency. 

God shows us in His Word, the Bible, that we are all sinners, and that we are all facing an eternity of Hell apart from His saving grace. He tells us that Jesus Christ came ‘to seek and to save the lost’ (Luke 19:10). His Word is more reliable than our feelings. 

So I urge you to believe the diagnosis and the cure that are told us by God Himself, the Creator, the One who knows everything… and if you believe to go on believing, no matter what.

It's back

I quite suddenly and unexpectedly find a new chapter of my life and my family’s life opening up before me. 

I am posting this on my blog partly because it seemed worthy of a little bit more than a facebook status update. However, I pondered a long while trying to decide whether to post anything. The biggest reason for that is because my kids see what I put on facebook, and they will be affected by whatever I write to update everyone else. 

The fact is, to put it bluntly, I am having a relapse of the non-hodgkins lymphoma that laid me low in 2010. This will require retreatment, more intensive this time. It's disappointing, to say the least, as the majority of people with variety of non-Hodgkins lymphoma that I had ("Diffuse Large B Cell") are cured first time around. I have some more tests to go through first, but chemotherapy treatment is currently planned to start on Monday 10th September.

On the more positive side, they seem to have picked it up earlier this time. I am functioning normally at the moment, whereas at the start of 2010 I spent almost 6 weeks in hospital and lost 20kg (3 stone) of weight before they diagnosed what was wrong. 

There will be time to reflect more deeply and to share more at later points, God willing, but for now this is news that needs some time to sink in. Life for my family will change again, that’s for sure. For one thing, I may have time for more blogging!

What I will say is this: whilst this is not good news, it is another challenge in a life full of challenges, and an opportunity to grow. I believe that life for a Christian believer is a training ground, and hardships are the exercises that make us stronger. A sports coach will design training sessions incorporating 'progressions', so that athletes can master certain skills before adding complexities and further levels of difficulty. This is my family’s next progression. We must face this challenge with the knowledge the Master Coach is guiding us, encouraging us, promising His help, and He intends it for good. 

“Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.” (2 Corinthians 4:16-18)